Incidental Issues #3 -- Captain Planet

Volume 3 was scheduled to have more than one issue, but I hate the Planeteers so fucking much.

Captain Planet #5

Released: February 1992, by Marvel Comics

Original price: $1.25

IMHO: 0/5

I hate everything about Captain Planet. I didn't when I first watched it (age 7), but I do as a college graduate--pedantically, the hero is "duplicitous neoliberal bullshit." This comic should get two points for being marginally more interesting than an episode of the cartoon; however, I refuse to critique Captain Planet aesthetically because the show is so pseudo-sublimnally political! As such, I staunchly object to the ideologies of Captain Planet. On the surface, that is "Go Green! Pro-Enviroment!" but this is utter bullshit.  The cartoon is no more eco-friendly than any other cartoon not expressedly about the environment, yet CP is infinitely more disingenuous than most cartoons. Even as a little kid, I was vaguely aware that this show was “propaganda-y” before I really know what that word meant (my mom said it in reference to, "the liberal media"). I remember feeling similarly about Ferngully. As an adult, I can articulate exactly what's so troublesome about this show: they broadcast "awareness" about environmentalism in such a simplified, fantastic way it completely hides the real cause of pollution. It individualizes environmental responsibility, constructs imaginary environmental antagonists, and frames multi-culturalism as the savior of the planet--when really, colonialist Western industrialization is arguably why we're in the environmental crisis we're currently facing and continue to face!

The reason there's a "pollution problem" on earth is because of over-industrialization and the privileging of capital over people. While I love cartoons and comic books, these are harmful symptoms of over-production of consumerist bullshit. Albeit, they're cool; but burning petrol to produce kitschy action figures and hundreds of half-hours with the same exact plot is obviously wasteful. Captain Planet is specifically designed to sell useless consumerist bullshit. The Planeteers are apart of a cool group of eco-terrorists (of course, the show never frames the children as terrorist, but environmental activists who truly challenge the status quo are terrorists to hegemonic ruling powers) who have exclusive membership cards and stylish, personalized t-shirts. And you can buy one too, kids! Captain Planet is drawn like a ready-made action figure with limited joint-articulation. The bad guys are all cooler looking than the good guys (typical TMNT logic of selling more toys) and the Planeteers have a collection of awesome vehicles--sucking up lots of fossil fuels, based on their speed and size. Even the most recent inception of the real-world Planeteers sells collectible power rings on their website, which they promise, are made from "eco-friendly materials." The bullshit never stops! Like all cartoons, Captain Planet's primary purpose exists to get you to buy more stuff.

This is duplicitous because CP preaches the trite-and-true three-R approach to material consciousness: reduce, reuse, recycle. But undoubtedly, the first R is the most important. Ted Turner pretends he made CP to help save the world, but really he funded its production (remember: cartoons are fucking expensive, even when they use cheapo animation like CP does) because it was a solid business investment. Once again proving, business and the environment are at contentious odds.

Now, some readers (that's a lie, I have no readers), might be thinking, "Why fault Captain Planet for what every other cartoon does if it's still making an attempt at symbolic gestures of goodness?" Good question. Plenty of shows are merchandising heavy but still able to "send" a positive message to viewers (like, Adventure Time teaches kids to view all things as a playground for discovery, or My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic reminds little girls and bros that it's important to be a good citizen). But Captain Planet don't do dat. In fact, the environmental consciousness fostered by this terrible show is actually really harmful to making any positive environmental change on earth. I'll show you why...

Take any episode. I watched one at random, "The Energy Vampire", where energy waste is attributed to a female Dr. Frankenstein who creates a freakish yellow monster that eats energy. So fucking stupid. This is a dangerous abstraction because it doesn't demonstrate the way energy is really "wasted" As mentioned above, it's wasted making toys and cartoons to pacify the masses and to power TV sets broadcasting mindless content. Pretending there's a villainous monster who actually wants to pollute the earth is laughable. No one wants to ruin the planet. The planet is ruined thanks to passive carelessness.

It's hard to argue against multi-culturalism, but this is another of my major problems with CP. Multi-culturalism cannot exist without industrialized globalization. Because we can have "3rd world" nations producing cheap goods (i.e. Captain Planet toys) for bad wages in toxic work environments, pollution persists. The cartoon acts as though people from all nations should just "get along" It doesn't say that specific world powers (America) benefit when other parts of the world are covered in oil and smog (Asia). There’s no real intersection of culture in the show. The kids all speak English and hang out to fight super-villians. It doesn't matter what country they're from. Take the Fire Planeteer as the most heinous example. He's presented as an American boob whose powers are far more useful than any of his comrades. This doofus accidentally lights things aflame all the time, over-reacts, gets into trouble--but he always ends up saving the day because his heart is in the right place. This is not how the world will be cleaned. Why does the American have to be white? Why not a Native American? Their ideas of conservation are so forward-thinking we're still no where near their level of sustainability. I'll tell you why not: Native American children probably don't watch enough cable.

Worst of all, the show individualizes environmental responsibility. I mean, by saying "You can fix the planet! You can make a difference!" is actually polluting children's brains as to how a crisis like the environment can actually be stopped. This is embodied by the public service announcement at the end of every episode/comic.

Sad to say it but, you, dear reader, will probably have nothing to do with fixing global crisis. Why is it so important to cut up six-pack ringlets? Lawmakers should tell corporations to stop making six-pack rings, that’s who we should hold responsible. We’re not the ones who need to cut up six pack rings. WTF. The people in charge of that, government leaders, industry producers, and scientists cary very little individual agency as well. No one person could save the world--truly, not even a superhero. What's needed is a change of ideology, something I've demonstrated CP is too contradictory to accomplish.

Unfortunately, me complaining about a crappy cartoon probably won't save the world either. Captain Planet is back on the internet, and the Planeteers raise money to get the show back on the air (my research found the Planeteers support very few environmental causes). But hopefully, critically evaluating cartoons and the messages they send will make viewers more critical of political action cartoons.